Reporting live from South Rectangle
I know it's so over, but that just means that it's time to begin again, right?
Poochie- So you think you're too good for the Eighties Revival that is going on in every toy department, do you? Afraid that you can't keep up with the slightly Bratzified Strawberry Shortcake? How do you expect me to vicariously live through my children?
Nipples- Although I realize this should be a tip of the hat, I don't understand exactly how cold it has to be for them to show through a sweater. For a worsted weight version, check page 88 of Loop d Loop. I thought that was the whole point of wearing sweaters- warming up.
Children's book editors- If I have to read to my children one more time about how wierd things are, I'm sending you to Theodore Geisel's time out, in which you must make sure everything is so misspelled, it makes a new word.
"It is what it is"- The philosophy of our time. Meaningless. But wait- is this going to be our new Iraq strategery?
Anti-evolutionists- Nevermind the whole suspension of disbelief thing, don't you people have kids? 'Monkey see, monkey do' is not supposed to only apply to animals.
Bejeweled- How is it that I am supposed to maintain my sanctimonious hatred of all things computer and video game when you are so damn addicting?
Myspace.com- As if there needs to be another thing that makes me feel, at the relatively young age of almost 29, like I'm about to receive my first Social Security check. Half of my friends have asked me to join and I just. don't. get. it.
Barbie's pooping dog- Because really, what does one house with kids need, but more shit? Literal, plasticine shit? I was almost won over to your newfound sluttiness, and you lost me again.
I saw the commercial for Barbie's pooping dog and couldn't believe it. I mean really, why? But then I also thought the dog that gives wet kisses was pretty dumb too.
Posted by: Vicki | October 26, 2006 at 05:37 AM
hi i'm new to your blog! i simply do not get myspace either... if i look at the pages long enough i might suffer a seizure. and bejeweled looks just as addicting as snood... damn you computer games!
Posted by: margaux | October 26, 2006 at 06:21 AM
Well, thank you so much for bringing these items to my attention. As for the nipples, could they have at least posed her so that they were on the same plane? As for the pooping dog, what's next? My First Menstruation Barbie? Oh, I have SO many opinions about children's books...I have my master's degree in writing for kids. Guess How Much I Love You? Enough to make it into a competition, you perpetually-second-place little bunny, you!
Posted by: JulieFrick | October 26, 2006 at 06:59 AM
Wow. I'd never heard of the last thing. I don't remember Poochie, but I get excited whenever I see a Popples-related thing around here.
Posted by: Lauren | October 26, 2006 at 08:31 AM
Poochie, poochie for girls! I had so much Poochie stuff growing up it's a wonder I'm not in some sort of support group now. My absolute favorite involved rubber stamps.
Posted by: Brynne | October 26, 2006 at 08:39 AM
ok -- i'm so old that i don't even know what poochie is. and i'm glad i don't know. to paraphrase rumsfeld ... i'm glad i don't know what i know i should know but don't know well you know...
and you're so "out" you're in. i didn't do one of these "on notice" boards the first time around. maybe this time.
Posted by: maryse | October 26, 2006 at 12:01 PM
What's next. Kaopectate Barbie? Comes with her own pink comode and can of ginger ale.
Posted by: Leslie | October 26, 2006 at 12:21 PM
Ick ick ick ick on bratz. Yuck. I'm sorry, a toy in the shape of pooping dogs is so very yucky it's unnecessary, but bratz are worse.
Yeah, I agree with everything too, and like maryse, I don't remember Poochie either. Except -- wasn't that the name of the new character on Itchy & Scratchy?
Posted by: Cordelia | October 26, 2006 at 12:31 PM
Oh my. I'm dying here! "Finally, Barbie has a dog that eats and makes a mess!" (from Amazon). finally! I've been waiting with anticipation for the pooping dog!
I can hardly believe it! Hilarious!
Posted by: moni | October 26, 2006 at 02:42 PM
stephen colbert is awesome. i dont get myspace either. i see heroes on your tivo list - isn't that show strangely addicting already?
Posted by: amanda | October 27, 2006 at 08:49 AM
Great list! My students are all on myspace so there's of course no way that I could do it ... and the worst thing about getting old is that I'm finally realizing how difficult it is to keep up with language ... did you know that people are saying "it's so pimpin'" and "tight"? I'm becoming an old fart. I'll call you later re: next week but I think I'm going to have to postpone/reschedule.
Posted by: Jenifer | October 27, 2006 at 10:39 AM
I love that you feed the shit back to the dog! So glad I don't have girls right now...
Posted by: Jessica | October 27, 2006 at 01:24 PM
If you think Bejewelled is a problem try this:
http://farm.avocadolite.com/game.phtml
gah! Can't. Stop. Arranging. Kittens!
Posted by: meg | October 27, 2006 at 02:03 PM
I don't remember Poochie. I do remember when Strawberry Shortcake and her friends didn't look so, um, tarty. (Sorry to go for the pun.)
Stay out of the South. It's scary down here. Really - it would make your head explode. You'd have even more rants, so many that it just hurts. Man, do I miss the Midwest.
Posted by: terby | October 27, 2006 at 05:17 PM
LOOOOOL! Excellent post, that pooping Barbie dog is simply incredible. Who thinks these things up?
I'm about your age and I don't get Mysapce either. A friend of mine just opened a card or (or "space", or whatever you call it) on Myspace and was all excited that Sting is now his "Friend". Apparently clicking "Authorize" now makes someone your friend. Hmmm.
If you're into addictive games and correctly spelled words, you might want to try this game that I found yesterday (I swear this isn't an ad, I don't know these people :))
It's a sort of association game:
http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi
Posted by: Ayelet | October 29, 2006 at 05:38 AM
Is the slogan still "Poochie, Poochie for girls" or have they evolved past that point to let little boys play with pink dogs?
Or maybe the little boys want the pooping Barbie dog?
We must be old because I don't understand so much of the world. I'm training a 23 year old and I just feel like she's in a whole different world...
But hey, it's all chill. :)
Posted by: Jennifer | October 29, 2006 at 09:33 AM
Hey- I finished the half marathon today- thanks for being the one who inspired me to do it in the first place!
Posted by: Amy | October 29, 2006 at 03:26 PM
What amuses me is that so much of this stuff has to do with what part of the country you are in. For instance, the media would have you believe that all teens and young adults have iPods. I live outside of Charlotte, NC (which isn't exactly a rural town) and you would be hard pressed to find a kid or adult with an mp3 player of any kind. So some things aren't as widespread as the media would have you think.
Posted by: Dani | October 29, 2006 at 06:36 PM
MySpace - totally with you. Try being even older, you feel ready to be laying out your burial outfit and believe me, I don't otherwise feel anywhere near as old as that damn website makes me feel. The sweater and nipples. Well what can I say. But that sweater is gorgeous!
Posted by: Dharma | October 29, 2006 at 11:32 PM